Cooking Bush: Knicker-less Barbaric Steak Sandwhich

I intended to start exploring the Akatarawa forest today. Despite it being almost on my doorstep I don't think I have ever been there. What intrigues me is the big chunk of wilderness in the middle with no official tracks on any of the maps I have seen. It promises to be a little wild and perhaps an opportunity for a deer or pig. But I think I will explore the existing tracks first.

So today I woke to a very grey cold damp morning. With a strong icy breeze it looked like going out would be a miserable affair. Cold enough to freeze my nuts off if I had them. It does not help that after my shower last night I realised I had no clean knickers to wear! So it was an easy decision to stay home and play skyrim instead and I have spent the day blissfully bare bottomed in bed with my laptop and a continuous cup of coffee.

Such hard work builds a mean barbarian hunger that can only be satisfied by bloody bloody meat!

Knicker-less Barbaric Steak Sandwich

Ingredients:

Porterhouse steak (you need something with a bit of gristle and flavour - if you want something that melts in your mouth you should be eating your girlfriend instead. A real steak has bite. Also for barbarians sake never remove the fat!)
White bread
Butter (well I use proflora active cause my cholesterol is a bit high, no surprises there, but I feel better about eating animal fats with it)
Large Onion
Salt

Before you can make this you have to get in the mood:

Ok now we can begin. First remove knickers. Just note that if you shave your bush then your sandwich is gonna come out tasteless. I can't emphasises this enough that you need mature bush - 6 months grown minimal. Cook your onions and steak. Put on bread with butter. Add salt. Devour it with your hands tearing chunks using your eye teeth washed down with coffee from a Wonder Woman mug ROAAARRRR!

(Unrelated, if you don't vaccinate your kids you are a waste of space - sorry, just watching some idiot on youtube while I type saying we should let kids get polio, TB, hepatitis, mumps, measles etc cause it builds their immune system. What a dick. Not only will you endanger your kids but everyone else's too grrrrrrr)

I have a few tips for cooking a good steak. Firstly get your meat up to near room temperature. use a paper towel to remove any surface moisture, brush with oil and in it goes. You should pre-heat your fry pan to a moderate heat for a good 10 minutes. I cook the onions first so by the end of that the pan is well hot. If you are using cast iron then it will cunningly tell you when to turn your meat over because the steak will stop sticking. I like mine a bit bloody so maybe 2 minutes a side. Don't forget to let it rest. Apply salt to taste.